Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
