Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
