My girlfriend figured out who you are.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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