...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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