Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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