Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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