hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
