what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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