Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
