I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
