he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
