She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
