dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
