How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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