theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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