Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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