i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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