haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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