Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
