So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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