im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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