Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
