every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
