i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
