my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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