In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
whose parrot is this?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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