Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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