dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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