I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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