Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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