My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
