So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
