We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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