We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
