u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
