Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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