Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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