I just threw up on my dentist
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
