Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
