So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
