these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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