Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
