I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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