I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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