i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
