There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
