Your face is a jimmy john
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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