there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
