Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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