Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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