I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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