she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
