im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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