she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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