pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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