it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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