im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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