Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
