i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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