I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
