she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
