My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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