He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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