Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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