walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
