If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
