i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
