I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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