Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
