I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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