we're blogging at a bar
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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