I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
did i just pee glitter
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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