He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
