Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
