Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
