I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
