She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
