I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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