piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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